Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Madame and Nobel Prize

BEIRUT.com –

In a striking gesture and truly unprecedented event, migrant domestic worker Tigist Hadero has contacted the Norwegian Nobel Committee (the board responsible for selecting the Nobel Peace Prize laureates) and requested that her Madame, a Mrs. Cherine Atallah, be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2015, and then again every year until her death.

Hadero, who was purchased as part of a Mother's Day special featuring deals on Kenyan and Ethiopian nationalities, has been enslaved, sorry – employed – by Atallah’s entire family for nine years now; and we say the entire family because even the children act like high-level executives.

“My Madame is the best, why shouldn't she have a Nobel prize?” asked Hadero, 23, “She wakes up at eleven and runs the household perfectly, and still has time to hit the gym two times a week,” added Hadero. The young housekeeper said that she starts her workday at six in the morning and works quietly for a few hours so as not to wake her Madame because “great minds need rest."

“Madame Cherine must also be a psychologist because she understands the human mind perfectly. She barters with me using the classic system of positive reinforcement. If I do my job well, I get to call my children once a month,” said Hadero nodding approvingly.

Hadero went on to describe the complex relationship she shares with her Madame, stating that Atallah is more than just a mere employer, but rather a friend who is always willing to give an honest opinion, even when it hurts. “Who else would be willing to tell me that I am embarrassing them in front of the guests because my clothes don’t match? Nobody. Madame Cherine is a true friend; she tells me the truth even when I don’t want to hear it.”

Hadero expressed hopes that one day her children might also enjoy bright futures as housekeepers in households owned by Madame Cherine’s children.

Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: this is a satirical blog post.

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